Hard

It's hard to sit here alone ...
And know that I'm sitting here because of what I've done.
What I've done to myself.
I've become a person that no one can understand.
No one can be at my level.
Good at languages, understanding cultures, anthropologist.
Yes, anthropologist.
But an anthropologist who enjoys architecture.
Something most anthropologists frown at.
For the study of architecture is not the study of culture.
As we know it it is the study of inanimate objects, buildings.
Buildings that don't live and have no culture.
But any architect will tell you true to their heart that buildings do live.
They do indeed have a culture.
The scary part is no one realizes.
No one realizes how much their culture affects ours.
Architects create without knowing.
Anthropologists research without seeing.
Without seeing what's around them ...
Everywhere.

Tibet & Vietnam

"What do you think about the Dalai Lama?"
(Being super careful with my words.) "I almost saw him twice."
"Where?"
"In India and Nepal."
"You think he's good?"
(Again guarding my words.) "What do you think?"
"I think he's not a real man."
"What do you mean?"
"Real men wouldn't run away from an argument."
"Do you know his religion believes in not fighting?"
"But they believe in having slaves. They had a lot of slaves living there."
(No comment at all.)
My husband continues by telling me that Tibet has always been part of China as has Mongolia, the British just stole Tibet away from China for a while.

It's really interesting how much something can be drilled into your way of thinking. Chinese have been drilled from birth basically to believe that any place that China has ever conquered (in any of the past dynasties) is really part of China. Some people mean this includes Mongolia, Tibet and Taiwan but others include all of Southeast Asia and there are a few people who go to extremes like believing Germany is part of China (I've only ever heard one person I know say this). Throughout my time spent in China and throughout my relationship with my husband I have learned that when he asks me these kind of questions the only thing I can do (without getting us into a fight) is to keep my mouth shut. Thus the three T's during teaching in China have become the three T's of my life - Taiwan, Tibet and Tiananmen (specificially Falun Gong). These are things that I can only discuss with people who are not from China.

Interestingly I am currently taking a class entitled the Peoples and Cultures of Southeast Asia. It talks about how China really never conquered any part of the area except Vietnam and says "The more they [the Vietnamese] absorbed of the skills, customs, and ideas of the Chinese, the smaller grew the likelihood of their ever becoming part of the Chinese people. In fact, it was during the centuries of intensive efforts to turn them into Chinese that the Vietnamese came into their own as a separate people with political and cultural aspects of their own." I find this fascinating but it's the kind of thing I could never discuss with my husband.

ingeniality

So I figured out how to maneuver the system of binders. Do you buy one notebook (with pages) for each class? No because you'll never use it all. Buy a 5 subject notebook? Again it's so many pages you'll never use it all. Buy looseleaf paper to take your notes on? Just doesn't feel right. Just buy one regular sized notebook to take all your notes in and then tear them out and separate them in a 3 ring binder after class!

On another note this trying my best not to spend anything is resulting in not having friends, not that I'm good at making friends here anyways. For some reason this is the one city in the world where I can never make friends.

statistics

Stats are some of the most interesting things ever. As business people one comes to rely on statistics for everything, to show profits, how the business is doing, how much it is making, how much it is selling, almost literally every small bit of information. But for anthropologists we learn not to trust statistics. The percent of foreigners in a given area. First of all any statistic can be manipulated to show what one wants to show. Want to state that the city of Dalian, china has very few foreigners? Simply define the word foreigner as someone who has never owned the land there or who doesn't have any ancestors there. By doing so you determine the number of foreigners by only the expats that live there from outside east Asia. All Japanese, whether or not they have ever lived there before wouldn't be considered foreigners because Dalian used to be a part of Japan. Same with all Russians. Similarly compare the population of china with that of the USA. You will get an outcome that china is x percent larger than the USA. However this percent doesn't take into consideration any of the illegal immigrants who haven't been counted, nor does it take into account all the people in china born to one parent and thus have no identification in china and not considered Chinese at all statistically. But anthropologically they are still there, they exist and haven't gone anywhere.

Arrogant and Chinese

So I suppose I'm a little arrogant. But then again isn't everyone? I have absolutely no problem for people telling me what to do in areas that I clearly don't know anything about (or clearly know much less than those around me at least). Architecture? Please, teach me, I beg you. Flags? Know very little. Business? Again with the same. But don't come up to me and know something clearly less than I do and try to teach me about it. That's ridiculous. Yesterday I had a woman trying to show off how much she knew about using the internet in China. Hmmm .... wrong thing to show off around me. It's like someone trying to teach me how to live in China. If I had never been there that would be great, I would probably welcome the opportunity to learn. But I lived there three years and this woman hadn't even been there a semester. Give me a break.

Anyways, so much for my arrogance. Many people don't understand two things about me, both related to Chinese but in indirect ways. One people don't understand when I say that my Chinese class is hard for me. "You know Chinese why should it be hard?" Yes, I can speak every day Chinese but that means little to nothing in terms of learning how to write and read Chinese and even with speaking if you sat me down to watch a news broadcast (in Chinese) the probability that I would understand is very little. The second thing people don't understand is why I'm learning Japanese. Believe it or not I'm learning Japanese to help with my Chinese (among other reasons). Japanese has at least three different writing systems: Hiragana, Katakana and Kanji (also Romanji and a few others that aren't "as important"). Kanji comes from old Chinese, it's literally old Chinese characters. Some of these are still used in today's Chinese but some aren't. So the ones that are used in today's Chinese I can learn and the others will be helpful if I have to read historical texts in Chinese. Most anthropologists or people who study Japanese and Chinese know this but the every day person doesn't tend to.

Christmas & Babies

Christmas is an interesting topic that I've spent quite some time thinking about recently (as may be obvious). Some think Christmas is a Christian religious holiday, and right they are, but in my family we don't really celebrate anything religious with it. In my family Christmas means something different. It doesn't mean stories of Jesus or going to mass, or any other religious things. It's simply the one time of the year that's really special because we get to go see my mother's side of the family. Despite the fact that I do argue with them quite a lot I love this side of my family and I love family in general. If I had my way I would always be around family, but since I only get two times of year for that (Thanksgiving and Christmas) these two times of year are really special for me. As I learned this year Christmas is also a very special time where we teach our children some very valuable lessons. These lessons are about giving to others, thinking about others, pausing a minute to not think about yourself so much, be happy with what others give to you not because they are things that you really want (because sometimes they aren't) but because they were things that someone else spent time thinking about you for. These lessons came up for me this year because it seems for my husband this is something he hasn't ever learned (as he doesn't celebrate Christmas). He is good about thinking about me and getting me wonderful gifts, that's not it. He just doesn't want to stop buying things for himself or thinking about himself at the same time. He doesn't mind buying things for others but he doesn't understand that this is the one time of year when we don't buy things for ourselves because we hope and imagine that those things will be given to us by those around us. I'm not sure if that really makes much sense but I think it's a special gift that Christmas teaches us.

As for babies I've been doing a LOT of thinking (as you can imagine). I really like the way Dr. Sears talks about bringing babies up. Attachment parenting, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, having the birth that I want, these are all really important things for me. But Dr. Sears is good about explaining to me that I have to wait to see if these are things that work best for me and my baby. Even if they are ideals for me they may not be ideals for my child and I have to remember that. Don't worry, I know I won't be having children any time soon but that doesn't mean I can't think or do research.

Babysitting

So apparently Chinese men don't baby-sit and consider it an insult to even be asked to baby-sit. This is not something that I knew before and while I don't know many American men that baby-sit I do know that it would not be considered rude to ask one to baby-sit and I do know some American men who do baby-sit.

I just asked my husband if he would be willing to help a woman out who needs a Chinese teacher and baby-sitter from 3-6pm on Mondays (she would be willing to pay). I can't do it due to time constraints and didn't think it insulting to ask as it may even help his English.

So this is the explanation that I received (written by a Chinese woman so excuse the English):

I have to say it Chinese men will not be paid to do baby sitter. Usually in North men don't do house work and don't do baby sitter. They think it's a thing wowen would do. Even if they don't have a job they would not chose to be a baby sitter. But if the kid is their own kid it's different, they might take care of their own kid. In South men do house work and take care of their own kid. but they don't do baby sitter.